The recent loss of yet another uncle in my dad's family has me surfing emotions & contemplating reaction or responses without seeming nonchalant or inconsiderate.
The fact that his siblings seemed so different & divided keeps regenerated previously concluded assumptions with recycled agony & bewilderment. It just puzzles me that so much egotistic melodramatic hypocritical commitments invade the already taxed emotions scrambling for attention. There's abandonment, anger, grief, loss, and guilt to name a few. Piggy backed to emotions are disgraceful and unprecedented acts of retaliation, confrontation and the biggie financial disdains. One could create a box office hit with the information attained at funerals & quiet hours. There is just no real empathy or appreciation for the life of those connected to the deceased. Seemingly all are affected to a degree or other but there is no unification & reconciliation as responses to neglect or grief. Everyone plays a part in relationships and the role you portray is the testing of your heart & beliefs.
One should never enter a relationship of any degree without knowledge of the expectations & qualifications. Courting, dating or engagements are time frames to exhibit the character & faith of an individual. Observe counter relationships with everyone, especially their responses and or reactions to their parents. Basically if she don't like her dad she will have difficulty seeing you as individual or separate and vice verse for him if he doesn't respect and honor his mom he won't be doing much for you either.
Oh and yes change is welcomed but at what expense? Love is suppose to heal & cherish not hate and abhor. Understanding the depths of love & experiencing it in its totality will usher in patience & understanding. Love agape love covers a multitude of faults, meaning love is so in awe that it protects, shields, & shadows it doesn't expose, desecrate or assassinate. It beholds not beheads and it isn't puffed up or calculating.
Pure love is Divine & Harmonic. Simple & Perfect Above all & Beneath all as it shifts in where it fits in without sorrow.
In search of release from my own prison of emotional disorder I found http://www.helpguide.org/mental/helping_grieving.htm; which presented the following:
It can be tough to know what to say or do when someone you care about is grieving. It’s common to feel helpless, awkward, or unsure. You may be afraid of intruding, saying the wrong thing, or making the person feel even worse. Or maybe you feel there’s little you can do to make things better. While you can’t take away the pain of the loss, you can provide much-needed comfort and support. There are many ways to help a grieving friend or family member, starting with letting the person know you care.
Don’t let discomfort prevent you from reaching out to someone who is grieving. Now, more than ever, your support is needed. You might not know exactly what to say or what to do, but that’s okay. You don’t need to have answers or give advice. The most important thing you can do for a grieving person is to simply be there. Your support and caring presence will help them cope with the pain and begin to heal.
The better your understanding of grief and how it is healed, the better equipped you’ll be to help a bereaved friend or family member:
There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Grief does not unfold in orderly, predictable stages. It is an emotional rollercoaster, with unpredictable highs, lows, and setbacks. Everyone grieves differently, so avoid telling the bereaved what they “should” be feeling or doing.
Grief may involve extreme emotions and behaviors. Feelings of guilt, anger, despair, and fear are common. A grieving person may yell to the heavens, obsess about the death, lash out at loved ones, or cry for hours on end. The bereaved need reassurance that what they’re feeling is normal. Don’t judge them or take their grief reactions personally.
There is no set timetable for grieving. For many people, recovery after bereavement takes 18 to 24 months, but for others, the grieving process may be longer or shorter. Don’t pressure the bereaved to move on or make them feel like they’ve been grieving too long. This can actually slow their healing.
Accept and acknowledge all feelings. Let the grieving person know that it’s okay to cry in front of you, to get angry, or to break down. Don’t try to reason with them over how they should or shouldn’t feel. The bereaved should feel free to express their feelings, without fear of judgment, argument, or criticism.
Be willing to sit in silence. Don’t press if the grieving person doesn’t feel like talking. You can offer comfort and support with your silent presence. If you can’t think of something to say, just offer eye contact, a squeeze of the hand, or a reassuring hug.
Let the bereaved talk about how their loved one died. People who are grieving may need to tell the story over and over again, sometimes in minute detail. Be patient. Repeating the story is a way of processing and accepting the death. With each retelling, the pain lessens.
Offer comfort and reassurance without minimizing the loss. Tell the bereaved that what they’re feeling is okay. If you’ve gone through a similar loss, share your own experience if you think it would help. However, don’t give unsolicited advice, claim to “know” what the person is feeling, or compare your grief to theirs.
Comments to avoid when comforting the bereaved
"I know how you feel." One can never know how another may feel. You could, instead, ask your friend to tell you how he or she feels.
"It's part of God's plan." This phrase can make people angry and they often respond with, "What plan? Nobody told me about any plan."
"Look at what you have to be thankful for." They know they have things to be thankful for, but right now they are not important.
"He's in a better place now." The bereaved may or may not believe this. Keep your beliefs to yourself unless asked.
"This is behind you now; it's time to get on with your life." Sometimes the bereaved are resistant to getting on with because they feel this means "forgetting" their loved one. In addition, moving on is easier said than done. Grief has a mind of its own and works at its own pace.
Statements that begin with "You should" or "You will." These statements are too directive. Instead you could begin your comments with: "Have you thought about. . ." or "You might. . ."
Source: American Hospice Foundation
Having experienced many losses of life(Exodus 11:5-10) & relationships such David & Jonathan's
(1. Samuel 20:2-24), I find it difficult to support or have patience(Luke 21:19) due to selfish preconceived expectations that rob each individual experience of it's pure granduere and lesson. Denying my flesh(Habakkuk 2:4/Romans 3:20/Galatians 2:16 & Psalms143:) its selfish desires gets harder by the DAY as I Press toward the Mark of My Calling(Phillipians 3:14) To Do The COMPLETE WILL OF ALMIGHTY GOD & MEET A SMILING SAVIOR INSTEAD OF A FROWNING JUDGE(Jude 25).
Totally Confident IN THE WORD(JESUS & SCRIPTURE) my knowledge of the fact It is APPOINTED(Hebrews 9:27) for Mankind to die once but After death is Judgement(Revelation 20:12-15). I don't doubt GOD'S WORD or find it contradictive what I've noticed is those seeking contradicions find it due to lack of Surrender to THE WILL OF GOD.
I've never liked preachers telling congregations that "the lord loved them best". GOD SIMPLY DID NOT HAVE TO SHARE With Us. I mean HE TOOK THE DUST THAT HE CREATED & MADE A COAT OF flesh to WRAP HIMSELF IN TO ENTER THIS WORLD and EXIT IT BY THE SAME STANDARDS SET FOR ALL MANKIND. HE PAID THE PRICE HE SET FOR THE FALL OF MAN(death-Genesis chapter 3). Flesh without DIVINITY is evil always(Matthew 15:19) but flesh Reborn()John 3:3) & Transformed(Romans 12:2) by the RENEWING OF THE Mind CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS THEM(Phillipians 4:13). There is no misunderstanding OF GOD'S WORD unless you are unwilling to relent your finite abilities to GOD'S INFINITE POSSIBILITIES.
Those that misinterpret GOD'S WORD WILL PAY A PRICE OF ETERNITY IN HELL. It is my Responsibility that those without Knowledge of SALVATION & Backsliding Need THE WORD RIGHTFULLY DIVIDED TO EMPOWER Them WITH WEAPONS OF TRUTH & UNDERSTANDING. The LAW WAS NOT Abolished but FULFILLED because if You Are Born Again & Renewed in SPIRIT THE SPIRIT DOES NOT OPERATE AGAINST ITSELF. The HOLY SPIRIT WILL NOT ALLOW You To sin against GOD or Yourself. IT WILL GOVERN ITSELF AFTER THE DESIGN & WILL OF ALMIGHTY GOD FOR THEY ARE ONE, GOD THE FATHER THE SON & THE HOLY SPIRIT just as we have three entities at work in our bodies, Mind, Body & Spirit. The Spirit you choose is the one that rules your flesh. The SPIRIT MUST HOWEVER BE INVITED TO RULE it does not kidnap or violently force anyone to do anything. GOD ALLOWS Us FREEDOM OF CHOICE & ETERNAL DESTINATION.
Life on earth as it is Prepares Us FOR THE KINGDOM OF GOD ON EARTH after JUDGMENT.
There will be no jealousies, heresies, or rumores just PRAISE & WORSHIP & FELLOWSHIP WITH GOD. Wow, that's an Amazing REWARD To LIVE AMONG YOUR CREATOR BY HIS DELIGHT. So grieve now while there is still reasons for grief & support now while there is opportunities go grant that experience for there is COMING A TIME WHEN NEITHER LIFE OR death will be important anymore JUST LIVING AMONGST GOD IN PERFECT HARMONY WILL ALL OTHERS. Encourage one another to make Arragements for JUDGMENT DAY and until then Be Active & Supportive.
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